I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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