Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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