help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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