A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
