So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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