I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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