I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
