Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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