just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I see more hoeing in ur future
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