My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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