Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
