#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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