happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
