she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
