Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
