i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
