Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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