It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
