Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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