It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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