My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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