i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
