Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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