Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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