Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
