Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sext me about skeletons
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
