Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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