Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
