you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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