I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
