it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
