Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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