My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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