Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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