Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
