my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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