thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize