If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
