my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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