Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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