It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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