she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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