dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
