I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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