i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
