New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
