the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
