I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
