Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
