Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
