So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
