im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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