Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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