Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
