i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
