There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands