Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He felt like a one man threesome
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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