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• (310): View more from California

  Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.

  Fav 14 4262 895

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• (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Fav 46 9800 2391

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.

  Fav 15 3534 1113

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• (406): View more from Montana

  He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?

  Fav 17 2977 1006

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke

  Fav 1 684 1489

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already

  Fav 13 1428 795

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So how was the sex with me last night?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  No worse than usual.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.

  Fav 1 527 697

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it

  Fav 4 556 321

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..

  (360): View more from Washington

  Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"

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