just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.