Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"