Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
