My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
