I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just pee around me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
