Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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