Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
