She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
