made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think people are normalizing furries
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
