just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
