He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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