i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
