things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That accounts for only three of the penises
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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