I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
